Abu Huraira reported: A man asked the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, “Who is most deserving of my good company?” The Prophet said, “Your mother.” The man asked, “Then who?” The Prophet said “Your mother.” The man asked again, “Then who?” The Prophet said, “Your mother.” The man asked again, “Then who?” The Prophet said, “Your father.” Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 5971, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2548 Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim

This First Person article is the experience of Sara DuBreuil, a producer with CBC Montreal. For more information about CBC’s First Person stories, please see the FAQ.

I never imagined that I would need therapy to process my daughter’s birth.

From the moment my husband, Matt, and I found out we were expecting a girl, we named her Cecilia and started daydreaming about meeting her. I couldn’t wait for her to be placed on my chest and have that first snuggle. I believed my daughter’s birth day would be the best day of my life. But that’s not how it played out. 

Up to 45 per cent of new mothers report experiencing a traumatic childbirth, according to a 2018 study published in The Journal of Perinatal Education.

It’s difficult to pin down the exact number of women in Canada who’ve been traumatized during childbirth. “It often goes unacknowledged, undertreated and underdiagnosed”, said Rosa Caporicci, a licensed psychotherapist specializing in reproductive mental health. She is also the person I turned to for help recovering from my own experience. 

I’ve decided to speak out about my birth trauma in hopes of normalizing the experience for other parents.

 A difficult entry into the world

The day Cecilia was born, June 14, began with an incredible sunrise. I asked Matt to photograph it because we were just hours away from meeting our girl, and I wanted to document the beautiful morning. 

I started pushing not long after that and that’s when, in the blink of an eye, everything changed.

Cecilia’s heart rate dropped, and the doctor said they had to get her out immediately. She had swallowed a significant amount of meconium, which is a baby’s first stool. If it’s released while still in the womb, it can cause health problems.  Also, Cecilia’s umbilical cord was around her neck.

Seconds after birth, Cecilia was surrounded by a team of doctors and nurses who cleared her lungs before moving her to the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). My strongest memories from Cecilia’s birth day are not beautiful. They are painful. 

https://www.cbc.ca/radio/docproject/why-i-m-opening-up-about-the-trauma-of-my-difficult-childbirth-1.6053689